"No Buts (or Butts) About it!"

Last week, while visiting with my sister over a 1000 piece puzzle that we had (and have) no hope of ever finishing, she mentioned that her pastor was starting a new series called, “I’m a Christian, but….” It’s based off a book that I’ve since forgotten, but the idea is that we as Christians do things and make choices everyday that fall into the “but” category. “I’m a Christian, but I think it’s o.k. to cheat on my taxes,” or, “I’m a Christian, but I’m in love with my best friend’s husband.” And while those may be extreme examples, I couldn’t help but to think of all the ways that I too, am a “Christian, but….”


“I’m a Christian, but I worry about when our house will sell.”Or, “I’m a Christian, but I lose my patience with my children over the dumbest things (namely my 5 year olds stubborn refusal to wear anything that has a collar, buttons, tags, or stripes, and don’t even get me started on turtle necks and sweaters!) Yes, I’m a Christian but it’s hard to accept that fact that your son is going to live in ratty old t-shirts for the next umpteen years and that his teachers most surely think that his parents can only afford a 3 day rotation of clothes (and only 2 if we’re talking about jeans!)

Anyway, somewhere during the “I’m a Christian, but” conversation and the “No, you may not wear your short-sleeved, red, #12, t-ball jersey to Christmas dinner,” I remembered that once upon a time we had instituted our very own “no buts” policy. My son Coulter was about 3 when he started with the “but Moms.”

“But Mom, I’m not tired!” “But Mom, I don’t like milk.” “But Mom, I brushed my teeth yesterday!”

But, but, but! Until one day, I snapped. “NO BUTS!” I said, “I don’t care how you need to make your point, but you may not use the word but! NO BUTS!” (Looking back, it’s perhaps a lot to expect a 3 year old to come up with something like, “Mommy, I know you are very tired and you would like me to go to bed, however, it’s only 5:30 and I’m actually not feeling very sleepy.”) And yet, that’s exactly what I expected and it worked. At some point, he got the message. And I know he got the message because one day after I arrived home from work, our long-time babysitter pulled me aside and said, “Do you not let Coulter say ‘but’?”

“No,” I said, “Why? Was he saying it?”

“No, actually, he corrected me for saying it. Why don’t you use that word? Is it grammatically incorrect?”

“Well, I don’t really know about that, but I would just prefer he not use it.”

“O.K.,” she said, “but I say it all the time. I mean, what’s wrong with it?”

“Well,” (and I’ll break in here to say I know I use the word ‘well’ a lot, and if you knew our babysitter, you would understand why. Usually it’s followed by a long pause and deep breath) “Well,” I said, “some people think it’s o.k. but I just think it’s kind of ugly and I don’t want him going around saying it in front of his pre-school teachers.”

“So what do you say then?”

“Well, I use words like bottom and tushy (and my personal favorite) bumpa.” (With an oo as in zoo.)

“What are you talking about? Bottom???”Tushy???

“Oh, well, what are YOU talking about?”

And that’s when it hit me. We had just had a 15 minute conversation about two different words. Coulter had corrected her for saying 'but' and I had just given her a dissertation on why we don’t use the word 'butt.'

I burst out laughing, but having yet to see the humor (or even understand what had just happened,) she just stared at me in total confusion. “Oh never mind,” I said, “It doesn’t really matter. The bottom line is you are welcome to say both and he is not allowed to say either!”

So back at the puzzle (and my sister and our unsuccessful search for the puzzle edges,) and long into the night that followed, I continued to ponder the idea of “no buts.” Somewhere in the 30 minutes of sleep between dozing off around 5:00 a.m. and Emma Claire waking up at 5:30, I had an illuminating moment. I remembered, in fact, that last year instead of choosing a resolution, I had chosen a word. One seemingly random word to define my year: Illumination. And in that moment of illumination, just days before the end of 2010, I found my next word, or in this case, words. 2011 is the year of “No Buts!”

I am a loving, patient mother….no buts.  I am a faithful Christian and know that God’s timing is perfect….no buts. I am a loyal daughter and a ‘my door’s always open’ friend…no buts. I am a supportive sister and aunt…no buts. I am a dreamer; I am a teacher; I am a writer.

There are many words that I could have chosen. 2011 will be a year of change; a journey; a time of transition; missing old friends and making new ones; finding new schools and new jobs and, in short, a new village. There are days that I don’t quite feel up for it and there are days that I can hardly wait to get started. But even with all the words left out there, I'm confident I chose the right one. 2011 is going to be an amazing, joy-filled year and I know that God has my family in the palm of His hand...no buts (or butts!) about it!